Sunday, February 26, 2012

Misery, Depression, Sadness and Hardships

I'm still getting the feel for this blog so bear with me a little as I get into the flow of things. I'm trying to figure out what exactly I want to share. Originally I wanted to go through the main points of Preach My Gospel (the manual for missionaries) and go over all the key points of the church but today I've had this little epiphany (or realisation) that I wanted to share.

There are times in all our lives when we feel everything is going wrong. I'm currently experiencing that but I won't go into detail about it because the specifics of it don't really matter. Mainly because trials, temptations, depression and misery are all the same emotions everyone feels but there are different stories behind it. Sometimes life isn't great and we feel surrounded by all this negative energy and sadness that completely overwhelm us to the point that we ask God "Why?"

It is natural for us to question God. God knows all and we want all the answers, but we have to really think about why God doesn't answer us immediately. We all go these trials because life is this learning process, it's a time to test ourselves. I would love for God to speak to me and tell me how to resolve the problem I'm having right now, because at the moment there is nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try to endure it with patience and that is a pretty hard thing for me to do. I know that through prayer, through fasting and through reading the scriptures that I will eventually find the answer, and I have not found the answer to my specific problem...yet. However, I did find some comfort in the scriptures this morning. But before I get into the scriptures I need to put a little context (show you the larger picture) into my epiphany.

Okay, so. I have been teaching the youth in Sunday school as an assignment for the past nine weeks. Let me first just say that it has been the best spiritual experience of my life. The learning curve that I have had has been so amazing and the youth that I teach are so fantastic. I've never met a bunch of youth so dedicated to learning about God. They may not read their scriptures everyday yet but I think I'm getting them inspired to because it will really help them at this point in their lives and I really wish I read the scriptures more at their age.

From teaching them I've had this real thirst for understanding all the richness of the Book of Mormon (that's what I teach them). So far we are up to the second book of Nephi and I am amazed by Nephi's obedience and his younger brother Jacob's strong thirst for the scriptures. Now they only had part of the Old Testament that they brought with them, but regardless those scriptures meant everything to them. They had their own struggles and they were constantly teaching their people to endure their trials well and rejoice in the Lord. To wake up from their sorrows and wake up their sorrows from the droop of sin. Now Nephi was a prophet to his people and God would communicate with him when needed. His people were the Nephites and they were being hunted and killed by his brother's people the Lamanites. Now in order to be a prophet you need to be an extremely worthy person, not just anyone can be a prophet. From the beginning of the Book of Mormon we see Nephi as this strong and faithful leader, always obedient to the Lord.

It made me think that he was close to perfect but then I stumbled upon a scripture on this application of my phone. It was a late night and I was looking for guidance but I didn't know where and I hit the "Random Scripture"button and it popped up. It's now one of my favourite scriptures in the Book of Mormon for me and when I had the opportunity to teach it to my class the other week I was so excited. It's found in 2 Nephi 4:30-32 and it reads:

"30. Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
31. O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I might shake at the appearance of sin?
32. May the gates of Hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart was broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!" 

Never had a scripture before been so eye opening to me. I read the whole chapter and found that Nephi too was plagued by sins and trials that even overwhelmed him. I had this new found respect for the man and I couldn't believe that I hadn't read this earlier in my life. He continues in the chapter to say that through his struggles he would endure and put all his trust in the Lord. He would rejoice in his trials because he knew that the Lord would always be with him. Nephi finishes in verse 35 by saying:

"35: Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up mine voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen."

Now this isn't to say that God will make things completely easy if we ask the right questions. Sometimes the answer is right in front of us and we just need to ponder the situation more and try to figure out the answer for ourselves. It's like those mathematics textbooks I had in high school. Sometimes when the problem was really hard I would cheat and go to the back of the book which had all the answers right there, or I would ask a friend. Once I had the answer I would try my best to figure it out but then when the next equations came using the same principle I still couldn't work it out. However, when I asked my teacher to work me through the problem, she would help me to break it down into bits but always challenge me to find the answer and slowly I came to the realisation of how it worked. After that it stuck in my head and I found those sorts of equations easy and I'm not the biggest mathematics enthusiast either. I think with God it's the same thing. Sometimes we have to figure it out for ourselves because it is the only way to learn.

Now I know what you're thinking. What can I possibly learn from the problem I'm having? Sometimes we need to look at the problem from all perspectives to see the brighter side. From this situation I know who I want to be and who I don't want to be. I think it's teaching me to be patient and endure. It's teaching me to not take on so many burdens and other peoples feelings. I think it's teaching me to try and look after myself, be happier and understand that even though it's hard and I feel horrible that I can't control how other people behave. That still isn't to say that it won't stop being hard though...

So anyway, for my own personal study I've been reading in the Bible from Psalms. I have to say that the Book of Psalms is amazing. There is this feel and spirit about it from the words and you can tell it has a pace and rhythm that I've never seen in the scriptures before. Of course Psalms is centered around music so it makes sense but I still find it inspiring. I suppose it's the writer in me feeling that affinity and creativity that David felt. So today I was reading from Psalms chapter 42 and David is talking about his own trials with people who mock him and seek to harm him and ask him "Where is thy God?". These few verses really put things into perspective for me:

"8. Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.
9. I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
10. As with the sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?
11. Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."

From what I have learnt from David, in the book of Psalms, he is a firm believer in centering your thoughts upon God and drawing constant strength from Him. Even through his struggles he would question where is my God when I need him? Why am I so sorrowful? Then he would wake himself up. He knew God existed, he knew God was there, he knew God was listening. However, I believe this was a test of David's faith. From this experience David could have turned away from God and stopped believing him, but David was resilient to that urge. He told his soul to hope in God,  he knew that God would eventually deliver him or help ease the burden. That was why through his trials he would still praise him.

I love how David explains that God is the health of his countenance. What a beautiful description! That for the health of his Spirit and the health of his mind he clung to the Lord. I understand what he means. To me it means that through worshipping God and following his commandments we can feel this overwhelming peace and happiness that nowhere else you can experience. It's like God can sometimes lift the burdens and hold all the negative emotions you feel so you can cope just a little. Sometimes all those feelings can drive you crazy but God helps you to stay centered and sane.

I wished that I had read this the week before last because this would have been a great for the previous weeks Sunday school lesson. The similarities between David's Psalm and Nephi's experience are so amazing. It just goes to show that God is the same yesterday, today and forever and that everyone on Earth has it hard, but through uplifting ourselves to God we can endure. Maybe that is why 2 Nephi 4 is referred to as Nephi's Psalm. Only found that out through the Sunday School manual and now that I've read Psalms 42 it is one of those spiritual moments I want to remember and share.

I believe that God loves us and will help us when we are in need. It may not be at this very moment, it may not be next week or next year, but it will happen. Sometimes we need to look at all the angles, try out different tactics to combat the problem, or sometimes we just have to endure it the best that we can. Whatever the problem is God will not forget us. He wants us to lean on Him for strength, he wants us to awaken our souls from sorrow and only through the hard times can we really appreciate the good times.

And I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

~ Sister H. Phillips

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