Misery, Depression, Sadness and Hardships

I'm still getting the feel for this blog so bear with me a little as I get into the flow of things. I'm trying to figure out what exactly I want to share. Originally I wanted to go through the main points of Preach My Gospel (the manual for missionaries) and go over all the key points of the church but today I've had this little epiphany (or realisation) that I wanted to share.

There are times in all our lives when we feel everything is going wrong. I'm currently experiencing that but I won't go into detail about it because the specifics of it don't really matter. Mainly because trials, temptations, depression and misery are all the same emotions everyone feels but there are different stories behind it. Sometimes life isn't great and we feel surrounded by all this negative energy and sadness that completely overwhelm us to the point that we ask God "Why?"

It is natural for us to question God. God knows all and we want all the answers, but we have to really think about why God doesn't answer us immediately. We all go these trials because life is this learning process, it's a time to test ourselves. I would love for God to speak to me and tell me how to resolve the problem I'm having right now, because at the moment there is nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try to endure it with patience and that is a pretty hard thing for me to do. I know that through prayer, through fasting and through reading the scriptures that I will eventually find the answer, and I have not found the answer to my specific problem...yet. However, I did find some comfort in the scriptures this morning. But before I get into the scriptures I need to put a little context (show you the larger picture) into my epiphany.

Okay, so. I have been teaching the youth in Sunday school as an assignment for the past nine weeks. Let me first just say that it has been the best spiritual experience of my life. The learning curve that I have had has been so amazing and the youth that I teach are so fantastic. I've never met a bunch of youth so dedicated to learning about God. They may not read their scriptures everyday yet but I think I'm getting them inspired to because it will really help them at this point in their lives and I really wish I read the scriptures more at their age.

From teaching them I've had this real thirst for understanding all the richness of the Book of Mormon (that's what I teach them). So far we are up to the second book of Nephi and I am amazed by Nephi's obedience and his younger brother Jacob's strong thirst for the scriptures. Now they only had part of the Old Testament that they brought with them, but regardless those scriptures meant everything to them. They had their own struggles and they were constantly teaching their people to endure their trials well and rejoice in the Lord. To wake up from their sorrows and wake up their sorrows from the droop of sin. Now Nephi was a prophet to his people and God would communicate with him when needed. His people were the Nephites and they were being hunted and killed by his brother's people the Lamanites. Now in order to be a prophet you need to be an extremely worthy person, not just anyone can be a prophet. From the beginning of the Book of Mormon we see Nephi as this strong and faithful leader, always obedient to the Lord.

It made me think that he was close to perfect but then I stumbled upon a scripture on this application of my phone. It was a late night and I was looking for guidance but I didn't know where and I hit the "Random Scripture"button and it popped up. It's now one of my favourite scriptures in the Book of Mormon for me and when I had the opportunity to teach it to my class the other week I was so excited. It's found in 2 Nephi 4:30-32 and it reads:

"30. Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.

31. O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I might shake at the appearance of sin?

32. May the gates of Hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart was broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!" 

Never had a scripture before been so eye opening to me. I read the whole chapter and found that Nephi too was plagued by sins and trials that even overwhelmed him. I had this new found respect for the man and I couldn't believe that I hadn't read this earlier in my life. He continues in the chapter to say that through his struggles he would endure and put all his trust in the Lord. He would rejoice in his trials because he knew that the Lord would always be with him. Nephi finishes in verse 35 by saying:

"35: Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up mine voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen."

Now this isn't to say that God will make things completely easy if we ask the right questions. Sometimes the answer is right in front of us and we just need to ponder the situation more and try to figure out the answer for ourselves. It's like those mathematics textbooks I had in high school. Sometimes when the problem was really hard I would cheat and go to the back of the book which had all the answers right there, or I would ask a friend. Once I had the answer I would try my best to figure it out but then when the next equations came using the same principle I still couldn't work it out. However, when I asked my teacher to work me through the problem, she would help me to break it down into bits but always challenge me to find the answer and slowly I came to the realisation of how it worked. After that it stuck in my head and I found those sorts of equations easy and I'm not the biggest mathematics enthusiast either. I think with God it's the same thing. Sometimes we have to figure it out for ourselves because it is the only way to learn.

Now I know what you're thinking. What can I possibly learn from the problem I'm having? Sometimes we need to look at the problem from all perspectives to see the brighter side. From this situation I know who I want to be and who I don't want to be. I think it's teaching me to be patient and endure. It's teaching me to not take on so many burdens and other peoples feelings. I think it's teaching me to try and look after myself, be happier and understand that even though it's hard and I feel horrible that I can't control how other people behave. That still isn't to say that it won't stop being hard though...

So anyway, for my own personal study I've been reading in the Bible from Psalms. I have to say that the Book of Psalms is amazing. There is this feel and spirit about it from the words and you can tell it has a pace and rhythm that I've never seen in the scriptures before. Of course Psalms is centered around music so it makes sense but I still find it inspiring. I suppose it's the writer in me feeling that affinity and creativity that David felt. So today I was reading from Psalms chapter 42 and David is talking about his own trials with people who mock him and seek to harm him and ask him "Where is thy God?". These few verses really put things into perspective for me:

"8. Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.

9. I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

10. As with the sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?

11. Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."

From what I have learnt from David, in the book of Psalms, he is a firm believer in centering your thoughts upon God and drawing constant strength from Him. Even through his struggles he would question where is my God when I need him? Why am I so sorrowful? Then he would wake himself up. He knew God existed, he knew God was there, he knew God was listening. However, I believe this was a test of David's faith. From this experience David could have turned away from God and stopped believing him, but David was resilient to that urge. He told his soul to hope in God,  he knew that God would eventually deliver him or help ease the burden. That was why through his trials he would still praise him.

I love how David explains that God is the health of his countenance. What a beautiful description! That for the health of his Spirit and the health of his mind he clung to the Lord. I understand what he means. To me it means that through worshipping God and following his commandments we can feel this overwhelming peace and happiness that nowhere else you can experience. It's like God can sometimes lift the burdens and hold all the negative emotions you feel so you can cope just a little. Sometimes all those feelings can drive you crazy but God helps you to stay centered and sane.

I wished that I had read this the week before last because this would have been a great for the previous weeks Sunday school lesson. The similarities between David's Psalm and Nephi's experience are so amazing. It just goes to show that God is the same yesterday, today and forever and that everyone on Earth has it hard, but through uplifting ourselves to God we can endure. Maybe that is why 2 Nephi 4 is referred to as Nephi's Psalm. Only found that out through the Sunday School manual and now that I've read Psalms 42 it is one of those spiritual moments I want to remember and share.

I believe that God loves us and will help us when we are in need. It may not be at this very moment, it may not be next week or next year, but it will happen. Sometimes we need to look at all the angles, try out different tactics to combat the problem, or sometimes we just have to endure it the best that we can. Whatever the problem is God will not forget us. He wants us to lean on Him for strength, he wants us to awaken our souls from sorrow and only through the hard times can we really appreciate the good times.

And I leave these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

~ Sister H. Phillips

God is Our Loving Heavenly Father

I believe that God is the literal Father of our spirits. He knows each of us personally and watches over us. He sees all, knows all and is perfect. His love for us is endless. Now I know for some this can be hard to believe. How do I know that God exists? How do I know that he loves me at all?

Well, the first thing that is proof enough is the fact that we live here on this planet. We live on a large planet with many continents filled with plants and animals to for our use. We have the intelligence to create things to make our lives easier. What is the probability that all of this was created just by chance? A simple act of nature created the planet and we were formed by matter floating in space that evolved?  Did you know that if the Earth was not tilted on a slight angle there would be no seasons of the year and plant and animal life would not cover all of the land on Earth? The truth is that the probability is slim, minute, and almost impossible, but through God all things are possible.

He created this Earth for us to live on and filled with beautiful things. He grew fruit and vegetables in the Earth for nourishment, He grew trees to shield us from the Sun and use to build, He placed animals on the Earth and in the sea for food and to help us with hard tasks and He gave us insects to pollinate all the flowers to bring beauty to the world and help plants to grow. He didn't create a barren world with the harshest conditions. He created the heavens, the moon and the stars in the sky as proof of His great power as proof of his divine existence and to show that He is always here with us.

Why does God love us?
God loves us because we are all his children. Since Adam and Eve, God communicated with man through men known as prophets. He placed them on the Earth so that he could communicate with them and have the prophets tell man God's word. Prophets wrote down what God told them over time which are a record of Him. The  Holy Bible, the Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price are records of God's communications with man. God wants for us to return to Him and these records show us how we can return to Him.

One of the greatest stories that proves our Heavenly Father's love for us is the ministry and crucifixion of Jesus Christ. This is what is known as the Atonement. During Jesus Christ's life upon the Earth he would talk to and teach people the will of God. Inspire them to do good, to feed the poor and to love one another. Christ was perfect, he performed miracles and even when he suffered he loved everyone. This is because Jesus Christ had a very important role that was charged by Heavenly Father. As a perfect person on the Earth he would give up his life willingly for the sins of everyone that had been or will be upon the Earth. Why? Only through this selfless act would we be able to repent of our sins and return to Him. Jesus Christ was Heavenly Fathers first born, our elder brother and His most beloved. Heavenly Father gave his only begotten Son to the world as a sacrifice so that we can get a chance at Eternal life. Who else on the Earth would give up their child that they loved so dearly?

In the Bible, in the book of St John chapter 3 verses 16 to 17 it reads:

"16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved."

In the Book of Mormon, God gave the prophet Lehi and his son Nephi (who fled from Jerusalem around 600 B.C) a vision of the tree of life.  They saw a large and beautiful tree which had fruit hanging from it which was "White, to exceed all whiteness" (1 Nephi 8:11) and "Desirable of all other fruit.' (1 Nephi 8:12). They ate the fruit which filled them with joy to their very soul. Nephi asked for the interpretation of the dream and an angel explained that the tree represented God's love for us and the fruit was the greatest gift he could possibly give which is eternal life.

How do I know that God loves me at all?

We are His children and he would not leave us alone on this Earth to fend for ourselves. He taught the prophets to teach us to pray to Him, but this is not all. He also gave us the Holy Ghost (or Spirit) as a companion and guide in our lives, so that when we pray we may feel God's love and guidance through the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost only dwells with us if we keep the commandments, when we sin the Holy Ghost cannot be near us, but through prayer and through asking for forgiveness with can feel the Spirit share with us Gods love.

The Holy Ghost can do many things. It can whisper to us in our minds and our heart. It can cause our hearts to burn gently and give us overwhelming feelings of peace, joy and comfort. 

• Romans 8:16 (Bible - New Testament)- "16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God"
• Moroni 8:26 (Book of Mormon) - "26 And the remission of sins bringeth meekness and lowliness of heart; and because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer, until the end shall come, when all saints shall dwell with God."

I bear testimony that if you kneel and pray to God and ask if you are His child and whether He loves you the Holy Ghost will reveal the truth to you. I have done it so many times and every time I have felt a love and a peace that I have felt with no other person. The Holy Ghost is there to help us communicate with our Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to talk to Him, to share with Him how we feel and let us ask him for help in our struggles. All He wants is for us to turn to Him, to turn to righteous living so he can bless our lives until we return to Him.

Life is not easy and it's not meant to be. We have to work hard, we have to live through many struggles that are physical, psychological and emotional, in order to push through them and better ourselves, to prove that we are worthy to receive God's greatest gift. Everyday when I look up into the sky, when I see what is around me, I see it as proof that God exists, that I am one of His children and that He loves me. I am thankful that I have a Father that loves me so much He gave his first born, my elder brother to the world as a sacrifice for all of our sins so that I have the opportunity to earn the right to eternal life. I love my Heavenly Father for the many blessings that he has given me. For a loving and yet disfunctional family that give me support, love and teach me patience. I am grateful for all I possess and for the education I've been allowed to have. However, of all the things that I am grateful for, I am most grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. If I wasn't a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I know that I would be living in sin, that I would be unhappy with my life and feel that no one else understands me in the world and could ever help me. God knows us all personally and I bear witness that if you call to him in prayer you will feel His love and guidance rest upon you.

And I leave these things with you, in the name of our beloved Son and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.

~ Sister H. Phillips

And so it begins...

I'm starting this blog as a way to prepare myself for my mission. I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, (also known as "Mormons" or more preferably "LDS") and I want to serve a mission. I have had the desire to be a missionary for years but never got the time to focus on it because of all of my University studies. Now that I'm finished with my degree and awaiting graduation in April it's high time I get my act together and I think a blog will solidify my goal whilst also help any person who reads this understand what I believe and why I want to go on a mission.


But in order to understand why it's so important to me I need to start from the beginning. When I was a kid a grew up going to an Anglican church in a little suburb called Strathfield. We attended this very historic but small church which I always was fascinated by because of its stained glass windows, but we never spent very long there. That was where the grownups would sit and listen to the Minister. My sisters and I had to go with the other church to the building next door which was not as old as the church itself, probably built sometime after and refurbished in the sixties. We were taken care of by at least four women. They would teach us Bible stories and then the rest of the time we spent playing games like What's the Time Mr. Wolf or this Crocodile game.


I remember one time the teacher told us about Daniel and the Lion's den from the church picture book. I asked her something, like whether if I went to the zoo to see the lions whether God would shut their mouths and she explained to me that God no longer performed miracles. Something didn't seem right with the answer in my heart but being a child I ignored the feeling thinking I would understand when I got older.


When I got to the age of seven, I was moved up the stairs in the same building but to a smaller room where the lessons were more intensive. I honestly can't remember any of the lessons but I remember them giving me a Bible to read. From then on my mother began looking into other religions. I remember travelling about forty minutes to a church were the preacher calls people up the front to be blessed with the spirit and they would push you and someone behind would catch you. Needless to say my sisters and I found it ridiculous.


My parents sometime later divorced and my Mum began dating my stepfather who was LDS. Dad didn't want the missionaries to teach us and I understand why. Michael taught us the lessons being a return missionary and I remember what he was saying was different. At nine I got my own Book of Mormon and read it. I prayed about it like I was told and I remember a feeling coming over me like it was the right thing. We had gone to church a number of times and I remember the peace I felt whilst in the chapel, I preferred the hymns they played on the organ and I liked the songs and the stories the teachers taught me in the Primary classes. It was at nine I decided to be baptised as a member with my mother and older sister.


My step-grandfather baptised me and I remember walking into the large font which was chest deep with water and Granddad was there. We had slightly rehearsed how it worked but the first time he put me under one of my feet came up and he had to do it again because you had to be completely immersed in the water. It was quick but I remember feeling like I was clean, like this was a fresh slate for me, a new beginning. My uncle then gave me the gift of the Holy Ghost as a guide to my life, forever by my side as I chose the right. It was overwhelming, I felt warm all over and tears swelled up in my eyes and I could feel that God really knew me and loved me. Most importantly I knew that the blessing that my Uncle David gave me wasn't made up by him because it wasn't from him. It was Heavenly Father speaking through him from the Holy Ghost, to me.


Since then I've had the natural up and downs of church life. My family fell into a bit of a bad business situation which went on the news and some gossip from the church we were attending upset my mother and stepfather so they stopped going. They still took us but it wasn't the same. Family home evenings just became movie nights and I was a teenager in my rebellious phase. Once that all passed I started coming to church again because of my faithful and fun loving cousin Tabitha. She was the greatest example to me and she was younger than me by a year. At eighteen I came back to church with my parents and got back into the swing of church life where I left off. I still knew the basics but I wanted to learn more. It was then that I began developing my true testimony of the church.


Fast-forward to now I search the scriptures for the most part on a daily basis. I prefer getting up early to study them and read them before I go to bed. I'm also studying Preach My Gospel which is the manual for missionaries in the field. I have had multiple callings in the church as an Assistant to the Visiting Teaching Leader, Faith in God Teacher, and Second Counsellor in the Primary Presidency. As my missionary preparation my bishop assigned me to teach Sunday School for the fourteen and fifteen year olds for four weeks and today was my first assignment teaching Sunday school for the sixteen to seventeen year olds. We've been going through the Book of Mormon this year and I've learnt so much and I can tell that my class has learnt a lot too.


The reason why I believe that this church is true is because no other church has made me feel total peace and happiness. When talks are given in our chapel the Spirit testifies to me of its truthfulness, but everywhere else doesn't have the same feeling and leaves me with questions.


I don't expect a lot of people to understand or believe in my words. One blog can't really convince anyone to believe it, but perhaps over time you'll understand why I believe what I do. This isn't a blog to make people to become members, this is a blog for me to share what I believe and for me to evaluate my progress and grow my testimony of Jesus Christ and His church.


~ Sis. H. Phillips